The Law vs. Ethan Couch

Unless you have been living in a cave the last few years, you have certainly heard of Ethan Couch, otherwise known as “The Affluenza” guy.

While it may seem like this guy is first cousin to Typhoid Mary, he isn’t. In actuality, he was a sixteen year old boy, blond haired and fair of cheek, who decided to go driving off in his pick-up truck while drunk.

He killed four people.

ethanBad luck at the very least. His defense lawyers, paid in full by his parents, decided to pursue a rather novel defense strategy. Because he was so rich, and because rich people consider themselves so much above such mundane rules as “the law”, poor Ethan Couch simply did not know any better than to get into a truck and drive down the road while drunk out of his ass.

Were it you or I, poor reader, we would have the book thrown at us and we would expect to spend the rest of our days in Jail. But, this is Ethan Couch. Blond haired and perfect, and he was raised to know that he was the King Of The Earth. He could do no wrong.

He was sentenced to probation, and had he kept his zipper zippered, and prevented any of his friends, acquaintances or random strangers nearby from taking any photographs, he could have managed the years between sixteen and twenty-six without any offense. Unfortunately, even a person of his wealth was unable prevent pictures from appearing on the internet of his transgressions, particularly his appearance at a party, apparently drunk out of his mind. An obvious violation of his probation.

ethan-blondeAs soon as the pictures appear, his mother Tanya collects her precious baby and hightails it off to Puerto Vallarta. By the way, I’ve been there, it’s one of my favorite towns on the planet. How dare Ethan and his mother Tanya sully the reputation of this excellent paradise?

Mothers Against Drunk Driving, who I am sure have done many marvelous things to assist society, have started an on-line petition to have Mr. Couch brought back to America and then served up justice in an adult court. They feel that the mere fact that so many mothers’ have spoken means that someone besides the news outlets will take notice and things will happen that will make them feel all warm and cozy.

Not so. We do still have the rule of law in this country. Not even Donald Trump and his wayward hair can overcome “the law” in this country. At least while the rest of us are paying any attention.

Ethan murdered four people while he was a mere lad of sixteen. He was tried and convicted in a juvenile court, he was sentenced in a juvenile court. While the claim of “I am so rich I can’t possibly know right from wrong because my rich parents never bothered to teach me” triumphed, it still happened in a juvenile court. And, it happened in the great state of Texas, where of course we all know that more often than not you are sentenced to death for stealing food.

I tend to like poor Ethan. He’s pretty. He’s also apparently immensely stupid. It’s quite visible that all the money in the world can’t make you smart.

He will be eventually returned to Texas. The law of the land will prevail, despite the petitions signed by MADD. But, fear not! Ethan Couch is not a smart person, and sooner or later, despite his money, his good looks or his mother, the law or an aggrieved parent will catch up and Ethan Couch will get what he deserves.

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